Social media – Skillfully Well & Painfully Aware

When I woke up this morning and signed into my social media feed, the first pose I saw said “‘The attitude of gratitude always creates an abundant reality’ ~ Roxana Jones” with the hashtags #gratitude #motivation #positivity #blessed. Somehow, all it made me feel was #unmotivated #negative and #irritated.

The next social media post I read this morning was the polar opposite of the first. It was about the untold cost of the lack of medical care for non-covid illnesses during the lockdown. Brutally accurate, but also triggering. In April, I was supposed to have a pain relieving nerve ablation surgery, which I’d been waiting almost a year for, but it got cancelled, like so many other surgeries and procedures. Now, it’s up in the air, and my pain is getting worse.Needless to say, after that, I felt #drained #exhausted and #depressed.

Social media is an important lifeline for people with chronic illness, and science says it’s actually good for us to use. Since few of us know other people living with illness in real life, social media offers a way to connect with other people who can actually understand what you’re going through. Being able to interact with other people when you’re stuck at home is a blessing, rather than a curse, most of the time. So it’s especially problematic if social media is managing you, rather than the other way around, during the covid19 pandemic.

The Attitude of Gratitude

I do believe that gratitude is a potent antidote to the negative self-comparisons that we all make, especially when illness takes away careers, mobility, friends and life roles.

Re-focusing instead on moments of connection, natural beauty around us, or having the basics of life, which we take for granted and are absent in so many parts of the world, does make life better. Research shows that cultivating thankfulness improves sleep patterns, benefits the immune system, deepens relationships, increases compassion, and generally improves quality of life.

But gratitude shouldn’t become another standard by which you judge yourself for succeeding or failing, or whether you have cultivated “enough” thankfulness yet. Especially right now, when our lives have been uprooted by a global pandemic.

Social media already makes us more prone to negative self-comparisons. In the era of coronavirus, images of other people’s joyful family activities, freshly baked bread, fitness achievements or motivational quotes, which are intended to be inspiring, can have the opposite effect. I feel guilty for feeling negative about positivity posts. You wonder “why aren’t I living my best pandemic life right now?” But social media can create emotional pressure that backfires, and #Motivational Monday becomes #UnmotivatedAllDay.

Remember that we can have two feelings at the same time. We can feel grateful for the sacrifices made by front-line workers, for having a roof over our heads and food on the table, and for not getting covid-19, but at the same time, also feel overwhelmed, isolated or frustrated.

I think a helpful rule of thumb, when you’re posting on social media, is to pause and reflect for a moment about whether a post could seem judgemental or preachy, or ask yourself if it portrays an idealized “perfect pandemic life.” For example, I’ve seen celebrities who say that while quarantining together they are grateful because “my husband and I haven’t even had one fight yet” or “we’re creating our favourite memories yet!” Instead, I think it’s better to balance the silver linings of the coronavirus pandemic – like reconnecting with family members – with emotional honesty about the difficulties you’re facing too. One therapist writes:

“Other popular social media posts these days encourage people stuck inside to emulate Shakespeare or Isaac Newton. According to these posts, Shakespeare wrote King Lear during a pandemic lockdown, while Newton invented calculus. These suggestions are often not very helpful.… We need to make sure we don’t push what is working for us on others. We need to use empathy more than ever right now ” (CBC).

Too Much News is Bad News: Headline Stress Disorder

Unfortunately, 2020 seem to be victim to the Chinese proverbial curse: “May you live in interesting times.” And, limiting screen time isn’t always enough to overcome the stress of negative news. Eventually, you have to check the news feed, even just to stay informed about public health updates, coronavirus lockdown restrictions, and reopening policies. This is especially important for those of us with chronic illness, who could be severely affected by coronavirus, triggering pain and exhaustion. Not only that, but knowing how and when you can get the medical care you need for your usual illnesses is vital for managing your health.

Have you heard of “Headline Stress Disorder”? Me neither, until I did some research into stress caused by reading news about social suffering. You don’t need to personally have been infected with coronavirus, or know someone who has, to feel anxious, worried or sad about how it is affecting people all over the world. It’s an unhealthy form of individualism that says “but you don’t even know those people, so why should you care?”

Headline stress occurs when “repeated media exposure to community crises [leads] to increased anxiety and heightened stress responses that can cause harmful downstream health effects, including symptoms that are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder” (Everyday Health). The constant stream of alarming news repeatedly triggers your fight-or-flight response, and the release of the stress hormone cortisol.

Media Diet: How to Navigate Social Media During Stressful Times

I found that a ‘media diet’ has helped to prevent information overload. Social media tends to be a more overwhelming place to get your news from (never mind a source of misinformation), compared to tuning in once a day to a morning news update or nightly news breakdown from a trustworthy news site. A longer format like in-depth podcast or investigative article can be less triggering than scrolling through multiple headlines and the resulting (often justifiable) outrage. Looking for good news, and stories of communities coming together, can also act as a counterweight to the negative stories.

We can be more intentional about how we use social media during this time. For example, you can join in Twitter chats or search by hashtag, such as #fibromyalgia or #spoonie, and scroll through posts on that specific topic – thereby avoiding news or pandemic-based posts. This can be a good way to maintain contact with online friends, which is often an important source of connection for people with isolating illnesses, while also preventing headline stress.

Ultimately, being self-aware while using social media is the best way to know when it’s time to sign out. It’s okay to give yourself some extra self-care after reading or hearing something upsetting in the news. We aren’t meant to be robots, and there is no right way to handle a pandemic. Sometimes just acknowledging your anxiety or stress and getting some fresh air or having a cup of tea can help you to process headline stress. There’s no stigma about talking to a therapist if you need additional support during this time.

Colino, Stacey, (April 23 2020). Everyday Health. The News Dilemma: How to Avoid TMI During a Global Pandemic

Moss, Jennifer, (April 18 2020). CBC. Feeling ungrateful or demotivated during COVID-19? Don’t feel guilty.

Social media has a bad reputation. It’s full of trolls trying to inflict pain on other people anonymously through their computer screen. It’s a false representation of living the perfect life, stoking envy and despondency in others. It’s the ultimate vanity project, epitomized by the selfie.

And I would agree, it is all of those things. So how do I get from there to advocating that you use it more?

Over in our corner of the Internet, the way those of us living with chronic illness use social media is very different. Our trolls are benevolent, lending support through random acts of kindness, like messaging responses to others who are having a bad day. Validation, support, humour and advice are far more common than Twitter feuds. No one is pretending to have a better day than they actually are – we keep things very real. Since few of us know other people living with fibromyalgia in real life, social media offers a way to connect with other people who can actually understand what you’re going through. Being able to interact with other people when you’re stuck at home is a blessing, rather than a curse.

What Science Says About the Therapeutic Benefits of Social Media

Researchers have investigated the therapeutic benefits that people who live with chronic pain derive from using social media. One study (Merolli et al., 2014) found three common themes in the reported benefits from a global survey of chronic pain social media users:

exploration: finding information about self-managing the condition, because social media can “filter and guide people to useful information” that they are actually able to use
connection: interacting with other people who understand what you are going through and feeling less alone in your experiences
narration: sharing your story, expressing yourself, emotional catharsis, and learning from others’ experiences

Other studies have found that patients with chronic pain who use social media report positive health outcomes. Merolli et al. (2015) found that a positive impact on the ’emotional burden’ of living with chronic pain was the most reported health outcome of using social media, as well as cultivating ‘relationships with other people” and a greater ‘enjoyment of life’. Interestingly, chronic pain social media users also reported cognitive benefits, including an ‘ability to take in new information’. An improvement in knowledge of the disease and self-management has also been found.

Which Social Media Platform Is Right For You?

When it comes to choosing which social media platform to try, it’s helpful to think about what your purpose for joining is, and which sites you’re already familiar with. If you are looking for emotional support, then a closed Facebook group is the way to go. If you are hoping to raise awareness, then a large, public forum like Instagram or Twitter is more suitable. If you are looking for information, then Pinterest is a surprisingly useful source for articles and blogs. There are too many social media sites to cover them all, but here is a primer on the three biggest:

Twitter has a large chronic illness community, and I have personally found it easier to connect with other people through words rather than through pictures. For me, there’s a greater sense of going through the ups and downs of life with others on Twitter, which is helped by the fact that Twitter puts the posts of people you interact with most at the top of your feed. The best place to find other people is through Twitter chats, which occur at a set time. Look up #SpoonieSpeaks or #SpoonieChat if you are interested in finding out more. Or search for all of the most recent posts that use relevant hashtags like #fibromyalgia, #fibro, #spoonie, #chroniclife.
Instagram is another popular platform, where users post pictures, memes or inspirational quotes, and conversations occur in the comments section. You can also find posts clustered by hashtags, just like Twitter.
One of the biggest sites is, of course, Facebook. I have found that Facebook groups are the best part of this platform for providing chronic illness support. Larger groups tend to focus on answering questions and sharing information while smaller groups tend to focus on emotional support. If you’re concerned about privacy, or are looking for a support group, then a members-only group is the way to go – this is a feature that none of the other social media platforms have.

Too Much Of A Good Thing: Common Pitfalls of Social Media Use

Even with the many benefits that social media use can provide, there are some drawbacks to consider. If you are feeling overwhelmed, sometimes scrolling through a feed of other people who are also struggling can make you feel like it’s all too much. Occasionally you may see someone turning symptoms into a competition (“mine are worse than yours”).

Keeping track of how many “likes” your post gets versus someone else’s post will feel about as good as any popularity contest does – it’s better just not to pay attention. Outside of the chronic pain community, many people use social media to present the false image of having a perfect life. Does anyone really feel better after half an hour of scrolling past all the happy pictures of high school friends going on exotic vacations, buying their first homes or having adorable babies? You might feel happy for them in principle, but seeing it all in one place is usually the opposite of uplifting. Research has found that scrolling through these types of social media posts can cause individuals to make negative self-comparisons to others, which in turn can worsen anxiety and self-esteem. In order to avoid this problem, you may find it helpful to create a profile dedicated only to connecting with the chronic pain community online.

Finally, it’s important to disconnect and make time every day to be present! Too much time on social media can be negative for your wellbeing. Even though we live with difficult symptoms, there are many simple pleasures to enjoy every day, like the taste of a good meal, noticing a pretty view, or sharing a hug with a loved one. Your virtual life shouldn’t get in the way of your real life. But connecting with social media is a blessing for those of us with chronic illness, as long as we practice ‘everything in moderation’.

References

Merolli, M., Gray, K.,Martin-Sanchez, F., & Lopez-Campos, G. (2015). Patient-Reported Outcomes and Therapeutic Affordances of Social Media. Journal of Medical Internet Research 17(1).

Merolli, M., Gray, K., & Martin-Sanchez, F. (2014). Therapeutic Affordances of Social Media. Journal of Medical Internet Research 16(12).